Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic

Thoughts

Yes, those are lyrics from a Britney Spears song.  What of it.

I’ve been trying to compose this post for weeks, but every time I sat down at my laptop and started to type, a little niggle in the back of my mind stopped me.  What if I offend someone with the things I say?  Why can’t I write a happier post, and stop coming across as such a negative person?  Is this really something worth posting about?

Yesterday I had a rare moment of complete clarity.  I was in a situation where someone was making me feel utterly miserable – on the verge of tears –  and I decided that it was time to cut that person out of my life.  With that decision, came another – to finally post.  That little niggle is no longer there, because I no longer care about what anyone will think of what I say.  I am entitled to feel the way I do.  I’m in an unpleasant situation, and I’ve had enough.

A good friend once told me that it takes a year to truly get to know someone.  How right he was.  I’ve been fortunate enough to meet many wonderful people since I started uni a few years ago.  I can happily say that I think very highly of most of these people; they are great friends who continue to make my life better everyday, and I am genuinely glad to have met them.  There are others, however, who do not.

There are people in my life who put me down on a daily basis.  People who make me feel bad for being me.  People who take more than they give, and see no problem in hurting those around them if it means that they get their way.  These are the kinds of people who, for many years, I’ve been putting up with.  I tell myself; they have no other friends so I should be nice to them, maybe they are just having a bad day, or maybe they have a point.  It has taken me years to realise that, regardless of the ‘reasons’ behind the terrible things that these people put me through, I do not have to put up with it.  If there is someone in your life who is making you unhappy, why should you have to accept that?

For years, I have struggled with the idea that wanting these toxic people out of my life makes me a bad person.  I constantly felt like I was being judgemental or shallow.  However, yesterday it finally hit me; I am allowed to be happy.  I am allowed to decide what kind of people I have in my life.  It’s my life, after all.  No one else has the right to dictate how I feel.  I am not selfish, shallow or judgemental for wanting to surround myself with positive people. I don’t know why it took me so long to realise this, but I am so glad that I finally have.

If you’re in the same situation that I am, I implore you to think about the way those people are making you feel, and ask yourself, ‘is it worth it?’  Is it worth feeling miserable after every encounter with them?  Is their company worth the constant hits at your self esteem?  When they tear apart your beliefs, your opinions and your feelings because they are too shallow to comprehend the fact that other people are allowed to think differently from them, is it worth being around them?  The simple answer to these questions is no.  Toxic people are not worth your time.  You deserve better.  So, do what I did; walk away.  Your future self will thank you for it.

22 Things All Curry Kids Know To Be True

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1. Non-currys get more offended by the word ‘curry’ than you do.

Let’s be honest, we use that term to label ourselves all the time.  If your uni doesn’t have a ‘Curry vs. Others’ cricket match, something is wrong.

2. People question your ethnicity all the time.

enhanced-14240-1391036275-20Where was I from BEFORE I was born in Australia? What.

3. You will never be able to meet your parents’ crazy high expectations.

27123674f9dc62417b1f697054cb9dfce78b655381c21d3af839afbb1e61a54aGet used to a life of disappointing people.

4. Asha Bhosle will always hold a special place in your heart.

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You could probably sing all of her songs word for word before you could talk.

5. Approximately 80% of your body is made up of tea.

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And you feel irrationally frustrated whenever someone says ‘chai tea’. Chai literally means tea, guys.

6. Your parents threaten to send you back to your home country at least once a day.

hqdefaultForget beatings or the naughty corner.  Hearing the words ‘I will send you back to Pakistan!’ come out of your father’s mouth was enough to keep you in line.

7. You know when the teacher reaches your name on the role because there’s always an awkward moment of silence.

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Samantha? Try Saamiah.

8. You were never grounded…because you weren’t allowed to leave the house to begin with.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-2257-1391701891-8And you probably had a strict bedtime until you were at least 20, even if you were a perfectly well behaved child.

9. You’ve mastered the art of translating your parent’s dodgy English.

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They confuse their Vs and Ws, always neglect the word ‘the’ when they speak or write, and sound hilarious when they attempt to say words like ‘mate’ or when they swear.

10. Your parents made sure you were always weeks ahead on your math homework.

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You could never ask them for help with math or science without being told to read a whole textbook, just to answer one question.

11. Everything in your lounge room is covered in plastic.

110918garyin3Nothing like the feeling of relaxing on your plastic covered lounge on a warm day, and realising that you’re probably going to be stuck there for the rest of your life because your sweat has glued you to it.

12. You are regularly woken up at 2am to the sound of your parents making international phone calls.

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They don’t quite seem to understand the whole concept of phones, because they somehow get 100 times louder whenever they use one.

13. You have an intense love for cricket that others will just never understand.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-10645-1377879810-19You’ve probably got cricket going on the TV, a live stream on your laptop and score updates on your phone right now.

14. Your parents are constantly introducing you to people, and get upset when you don’t remember each and every one of them.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-10286-1378143358-9“Do you remember so and so? She came over once when you were 2”.  So awkward.

15. You grew up calling all older men and women ‘uncle’ and ‘auntie’.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-13862-1378144965-15They probably dropped in unannounced all the time, and had zero cares.

16. You’d get excited when you found a tin of cookies, only to find that it was actually full of your mother’s sewing supplies.

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You spent most of your childhood suffering from some serious PCTOSD (post cookie tin opening stress disorder)

17. You had a small watering can in your bathroom, next to the toilet.

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Your friends never understood why and it was too awkward to explain.

18. Nothing but perfect grades were ever good enough for your parents.

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You’ve considered bribing teachers to bump up your grade, just to avoid the humiliation that would occur when you told your parents that you only got a 98.

19. Your parents are always comparing you to other people.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-32607-1377874170-0Regardless of how successful you are, they will always find someone who makes more money, is more attractive or can make better biryani than you.

20. Your lounge room floor is a mosaic of rugs.

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Even if the floor was already carpeted, you had rugs upon rugs upon rugs, and none of them matched.

21. You spend 90% of your time on shopping trips feeling mortified as your parents shamelessly try to bargain with everyone, on everything.

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That’s why you have countless useless items scattered around your home – like a barbeque cover for the barbeque your parents are yet to haggle over.

22. You probably have more than 5 siblings and far too many relatives to remember, but you wouldn’t have things any other way.

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No, you may not have my sugar.

Experience

I must have missed the moment when people decided that a 20-something guy strolling around a cocktail party in his jocks was acceptable.  Excuse me for thinking that putting on a pair of pants and a nice shirt really isn’t that difficult a task.  If there was a list of things that I could potentially experience at a Christmas themed cocktail party, I’d rather have the option of being able to de-select ‘seeing someone’s nether regions’.

I’ve never really liked Christmas.  While I don’t celebrate it, I have no problem with other people celebrating it.  I have just never really understood the appeal.  You spend all this money on a meal that will undoubtedly wreak havoc on your body for days because you over-indulge, and on presents that your family will more likely than not return the next day/re-gift, because, let’s face it, buying your eighty year old grandparents an iPad was probably not the best of ideas.

Despite this, I made an effort, got dressed up (and by ‘dressed up’ I mean that I put on the one pair of heels that I own) and went to a friend’s Christmas party.  It’s not that I had a bad time; in fact, I met some truly lovely people and had a great time chatting and playing games.  The problem is that I would much rather spend a night with friends without someone relentlessly asking me to ‘give him some sugar’.

Firstly, who talks like that?  Unless you’re a creepy uncle or a single, 70 year old man with gold for teeth, that is not an appropriate way to greet someone (and even then, it’s questionable).  If you’re a guy in your twenties and you have ever said that to someone, I beg you, for the sake of womankind, stop what you are doing and re-evaluate your life choices. Below is a list of some more appropriate ways to greet a person:

1.  Hey, how are you? – Simple, age-old classic. You can never go wrong with this one.

2. Hi, it’s nice to see you! – A bit more personal, still simple, and you start the conversation by making the other person feel good.  Unless of course you are not in fact pleased to see the person, in which case, see option 1.

3.  You look lovely tonight – Why, thank you.  Please, tell me more nice things that will make me feel better about the fact that I’ve put on weight and had to squeeze into this jumpsuit.

Any of those options would have been preferred over ‘give me some sugar’.  You’re a grown man, at a Christmas party, wearing Hawaiian attire for some unknown reason.  You’ve already started off on the wrong foot.  Please, do not make things worse…oh, you are going to anyway? Awesome.

My intention here is not to come off as a girl looking for sympathy because ‘my life is so terrible, boys are hitting on me and I don’t like it’.  If you’re a guy, and you’re interested in a girl, there are better ways to approach things.  Making her feel uncomfortable is not one of them.  Do not refer to her as ‘my queen’ for the entire night.  Do not try to make her drink alcohol, when it’s pretty obvious that she has no desire to (wearing a hijab = pretty safe bet that she doesn’t drink).  Do not keep trying to touch her.  Do not turn every little thing that is said into some kind of sexual innuendo, hoping that this will please her.

All that you need to do is act like a gentleman, have a decent conversation and don’t force her to say or do anything that she doesn’t want to.  It’s pretty simple.

What am I doing with my life.

Thoughts

Last week, I agreed to house sit, as a favour to one of my high school teachers.  The house is nice, I’m taking care of a dog for the first time in my life, and I can say without a doubt that I am 100% out of my comfort zone.

I’m quite an introverted person.  I tend to stick to things that are familiar to me; things that are comfortable, simple and stress free.  I recently read an article outlining simple ways that introverts can strive to change things up in 2015.  I’m not usually one for new year’s resolutions, but as it approaches the new year, I am very tempted to give this a go.

I lived at home for the last 20 years, under very strict parenting.  When you’re in a situation like that, it is incredibly easy to become comfortable, stagnant, and to lead an uninspired life, day after day.  When I moved out of home earlier this year, I really started to question what I was doing with my life.  Would I fall into the same boring pattern?  Would I continue to turn people down when they offered to go out, because I didn’t feel comfortable trying anything different? Would I turn the other cheek when people pointed out just how boring my life really was, and blame it on the fact that I am ‘shy’?  Or would I resolve to try harder, to be better, and to stop making excuses for the shallow, superficial life that I was leading?

Eight months later, I am sitting in a stranger’s house.  I am spending every night alone, away from my family and the comfort of my own home.  I am writing a blog post, even though I never thought I would have the courage to share my thoughts with people other than my siblings and close friends.  I can honestly and proudly say that, even though it may seem like nothing to a lot of people, this means an awful lot to me.  This is kind of a big deal.

With all of that in mind, I decided to spend some time thinking about what I am doing with my life now.  What do I still need to improve on?  What are some other changes that I can make?  So, I put together a list of 5 very basic things that I aspire to do, or improve on, in 2015.

1. Take more photos

With every new experience, comes new memories.  I am notoriously terrible when it comes to taking photos; I used to really hate being photographed, and didn’t see the point in documenting memories this way.  After all, I have a pretty decent memory, and that was enough for me.  However, now that I have a phone with a kazillion GB of storage, I can take as many pictures as I like.  It doesn’t matter if they are terrible, or if my face looks a bit shiny or if the lighting is bad.  These small reminders of the great things I have experienced make me smile.

2. Try out a new meal at least once a week

I’m at uni 5 days a week, so it is pretty easy to keep eating the same simple, easy to prepare meals over and over.  But I love food, I love trying new food, and I love cooking.  So why not give this a go.

3. Buy and read more books

I love to read, but I am also guilty of letting uni work consume me and not allow myself free time.  When I lived at home, we had two huge floor-to-ceiling bookshelves absolutely bursting at the seams with so many different kinds of books.  There was always something to read.  Now that I have moved out, I have maybe 10 books to my name.  Probably not even that.  I need to change that.

4. Say ‘Yes’

I am quite ashamed of how quickly I am able to make an excuse to get out of doing things.  Do I want to go to the shops and grab coffee with a friend?  Oh no, didn’t you hear, I had a headache three days ago, which obviously means I can’t go.  I can be a terrible person sometimes.  There has never been a time when I agreed to do something and regretted it later, so this will change.

5. Do more of what I love

I love craft.  I love going for walks.  I really love cricket.  In the past three years, I’ve neglected the things I love.  I’ve forgotten that it’s okay to think about myself sometimes, and to make myself happy.  Next year will be a happier year.

Even though you may not achieve your resolutions in the first month, or two months, or half a year, don’t give up.  Myself and many others like me are testament to the fact that you can do it.  You can make a change in your life, however big or small.  I never thought that I would voluntarily introduce myself to the unfamiliar people that my siblings brought to the house.  I never thought I’d agree to a spontaneous trip to another city, when a friend suggested it an hour before she was leaving.  I never thought I would be here, sitting on someone else’s couch, writing in a blog.  All of these things may seem like nothing to other people, and in the grand scheme of things, this is probably nothing.  But right now, it means a great deal to me.